We all know the feeling. When you've had a 'mountain top'
experience and feel ready to take on the world and then you actually return to
the real world. Not a bad place to be, but the harsh realities sink in.
After the orientation, I was on fire. I just knew I would need a
few weeks to get everything read and filled out and we'd be well on to the next
phase by now. ha! What I did not count on was the feeling of absolute
resentment and bitterness at the necessity of having to do all this. I
thought I had already dealt with all THOSE issues, but you know how emotions
can be...unpredictably cyclic. How much easier it would be if we could
just have our OWN kid!! So, I took a few days' break from reading and typing.
But then, a bad day hit. The Munoz animals decided to go crazy
(particularly the orange one). I was so unbelievably frustrated that I
soon found myself ridiculously crying in the middle of my living room wondering
'What are we thinking? We honestly want to add more mess and stress to this house?!'
I just had to tell myself that even the best/strongest people
second-guess themselves sometimes. I shouldn't let one or two days of
frustration get in the way of something I've wanted for YEARS.
So, mini-meltdown was soon over and now
we're back to work.
Small accomplishment: I finished reading
the informational section of the application pack.
Something interesting that will have to be
discussed/agreed upon with the birth mother: the first 48 hours. Just
hearing that number sounds like an eternity to wait, pray, and wonder if
everything will work on in such a way that you will become a parent. However,
there is so much that has to happen for the baby in that time period! Important
bonding time could be missed forever if everything isn't arranged well
beforehand. For example: who will be the first to feed or change the
baby? Will baby sleep in nursery or in room with birthmother? Who keeps the hospital memorabilia? Who decides what they will
wear coming home? Will the birth mother want us to meet her extended family?!
Likewise, will she want to meet OUR families? It all goes back to how ‘open’ is
an open adoption?
Some of our required reading consists of a book of letters to and
from birthmothers at varying points in the child’s life. Of course it illustrates the benefits of an
open adoption, but the truth is (even stated in the book) there hasn’t been
ample opportunity to research and know the risks of the open adoption
route. Up until about 30 years ago,
EVERY adoption was closed…tight! It was then a very slow process convincing
adoptive parents to loosen the reigns a little.
The justification being that the questions of the adoptee will be
answered directly by the only person who can answer them. These children no longer torment themselves with
wondering ‘Why didn’t my mother love me? Why didn’t she want me?’ They can hear
directly/in-directly from her why she chose this path for them. Also, it puts the control in THEIR
hands. They decide if, how, and when to
pursue a relationship with their birthmother/father.
So, I’m still completely convinced this is the
correct path for us, but I just pray that God works in the heart of the
birthmother who may choose us. I pray we
will all want the same things for our baby and that we will be able to have a
loving and respectful relationship.
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