So, I finished reading the first book of our 'required reading': "Dear Birthmother: Thank you for our Baby" by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin. Such a thought-provoking collection of letters. So many things were hard to read, but I feel so much better about our future relationship with the birth mother of our baby. It's hard to put into words, so let me share with you the images that came to my mind as I read the final chapters of this book. I picture myself with a small toddler in their bedroom saying prayers before bed. On the wall, there are several frames: a picture of their birth parents, letters from one or both of them, a picture of us all at the hospital, and a picture of us in a courtroom six months later...As we pray, we name each member of our family, praying for grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and we name the birth parents and possibly the biological grandparents, praying for their safety and thanking God for the gift they gave us. A few years later and a 10 year old child is trying to complete a family tree for a school project. What a family tree that will be! Putting aside the fear of there being 'empty' branches on which we have no name to insert, to be able to have a visualization of the number of people involved in the bringing about of this amazing child will be so beautiful!
Let me pause to mention a few quotes from the book...
First, this poem that I'm sure you've seen or read at some point:
"Legacy of an Adopted Child"
Once there were two women; who never knew each other
One you do not remember; the other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
one became your guiding star; the other became your sun
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it
the first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name
one gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim
one gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears
one saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears
one gave you up - it was all she could do
one prayed for a child and God led her straight to you
and now you ask me through your tears the age old questions through the years;
heredity or environment - which are you the product of:
neither my darling - neither
just two different kinds of love.
- Anonymous
Second, the definition of adoption:
"Adoption is the process of accepting the responsibility of raising an individual who has two sets of parents." They delve pretty far into a discussion on semantics...the gist being, don't label your kids. You wouldn't introduce them as: Suzie the cesarean daughter or Audra the math illiterate ;) lol Likewise, your adopted child is simply, YOUR CHILD. The other thing that stuck out was the phrase 'the process of accepting the responsibility'. This is not a one-time event that finalizes and completes our family. This is a life-long commitment to help this child realize their gifts, inherited and learned, to share with the world to bring glory to God. They will have unique needs that we will have the responsibility to meet. It is up to us to make 'adoption' a commonplace word in our home so that there is no shroud of mystery. It is up to us to make available the opportunities to know more about their heritage.
So, back to the family tree:
Imagine your own for a moment...what each branch brought to your life, your childhood, your emotional and spiritual development...it's very humbling for me. I consider my grandma Betty...her beautiful love for people, ALL people. Her own dad never set foot in a church building that I know of, but she raised the most Godly and wise man I know! He inherited her love of people and his Dad's musical talents. Those gifts and passions were then passed on to me in the form of using music to help people. WOW! I love looking at myself and seeing my Omi's nose, my Papaw's hands which are also my brother's, Mom's eyes and body shape, Dad's cheeks and chin. All make me, me, but this body is temporary, the legacy I cherish is the legacy of love and compassion for others; the things I've learned from my family and have developed into gifts I can use to share God's love. When I married Chris, I was not looking for the other half of me...I was made complete and whole when I put on Christ in baptism. However, I never imagined the gifts that he, and by extension his family, would bring to my life. I think that's how I would like to explain adoption to our child. We are a family right now...complete and happy...however, who can possibly predict the gifts and happiness that a child could bring us? Likewise, this child will have not only my family's legacy of love and faith and Chris' legacy of familial responsibility, but also the genetic heritage of two other people and everything their respective families passed on to them. This child will have four branches with a direct path to them...yes, we all have our faults, but we forgive those...I'm so excited about the possibilities!
