Back burner

By no means are we 'done' with this process, but we've come to the decision to put it off...at least for now. It would be so easy to say, "well, they must not really want a child as much as they say"...and that couldn't be further from the truth. However, we are both frustrated with the process and the expense..not to mention the nagging thoughts that we still just really want a biological child.
I came across this quote the other day and it hit me right between the eyes...
"Frustration is when your expectations don't line up with your willingness to make it happen." [If anyone knows who originally said it, please let me know!]
At first, it hurt...being unwilling...sounds a lot like being lazy.  However, I considered that word for a while...unwilling...not eager...unenthusiastic...to have qualms...to have misgivings...those all seem to be easier to swallow.
Yes, we are hesitant to invest time and money; we have misgivings about the emotional investment; we are not enthusiastic about jumping through hoops to prove to someone that we are capable of providing for and raising a child.  So, hence the frustration.
The youth minister at Webb Chapel Church of Christ had some really wise words a few months ago.  He taught an entire lesson on how to know what God's will for your life may be...he made lots of good points, but the one that stuck went something like this: If God has not blessed you in a certain area; perhaps it is not his will that you use the gifts you do not have! [lol...is that a double-negative?]  I may feel in my heart that I could be THE BEST dancer since Ginger Rogers, but God has certainly not blessed me in that area, so I can know with a fair amount of certainty that being a dancer is not the best way for my life to bring glory to Him.  It made me take a good long look at myself...my gifts...my blessings.
Even though I started this post AGES ago, it seems almost fitting to post it now...the day before Thanksgiving.  I am so grateful for all the blessings in my life and there are so many ways I can use my gifts to serve others.  The last thing I think anyone wants is for their desires to become a stubbling block...we cannot allow the gifts OR the withholding of gifts to drive a wedge between us and God's love and grace.  He is good; He is wise; He is worthy of our trust and praise.
Like I said at the beginning, this is just our story...I don't know if this post will prove to be a period or a comma, but we have faith and hope and love...No matter what, God reigns!

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers! Your support and love mean so much to both of us!
Happy Thanksgiving!