So, I've mentioned this before, about adoption being a very proactive experience; we're very purposefully 'making' something happen that is typically reactive. I do want to be the kind of person who does things purposefully, intentionally taking steps to make myself and those around me more like Christ. So, I can't really explain why this annoys me. Please believe me when I say that I do understand where they are coming from and I'm probably making more of this than it really is. However, in my completely biased, one-side-of-the-fence, limited point of view, it's a tad ridiculous.
Part of THE STACK is to fill out a spiritual plan for your family. We describe how we came to our faith and how we intend to share that faith with our children. I get it, 'Christian' is right there in the name, so they of course want to make every effort to place children in homes that will teach Christian values. But, come on...as if everything else weren't enough...the prodding into our finances, the required reading and classes, the examination of everything we are and believe...now I have to explain,in detail, how I will teach this child whom I know NOTHING about yet? C'mon. I'm sure they just want to ensure we spend at least a few minutes considering that future conversation, but it's not going to be just one conversation or even ten conversations! It's going to be everything my child will see me do, hear me say, feel me imply for the rest of my life. I'm not going to 'teach' them to be Christian; I'm going to Show them what a Christian life looks/feels/sounds like. I'm going to teach them the word of God. There is no other plan. Genesis to Revelation...anything less is too little; anything more is too much.
Just FYI, here are the questions. How would you answer them?
How do you plan to share your faith with your children? Please be specific.
Discuss your thoughts and feelings regarding the importance of parental example in teaching and developing spiritual values in your children.
If you recognize the need for changes within your life to accomplish the outlined plan, please identify what changes are needed and how/when those changes will be initiated and accomplished. Please be specific.
Ephesians 4:29 says to...'build others up according to their needs...' Forgive me, I'm taking it a little out of context, but how can I explain "specifically" what I will say to teach someone when I don't know them or their needs? We all come to our faith differently albeit similarly. I know however my child learns, God will provide the words they need to hear.
On a side note, I'm amazed how much my view of 'openness' with the future birth mother of our child has changed. I not only am willing to have ongoing visitation with her, but I am actually excited at the thought of having her present at holidays and important life events for our child. I pray wherever she is, God is already at work in her heart as well.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Poem and the 'old friend'.
"Burial"
Today I closed the door of the nursery
I have kept for you in my heart.
I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
Of the dream world we share, and you
Cannot enter my world.
I have fought to bring you across the
Threshold of conception and birth.
I have fought time, doctors, Devils, and
God Almighty.
I am weary and there is no victory.
Other children may someday live in my
Heart but never in your place.
I can never hold you. I can never really
Let you go. But I must go on.
The unborn are forever trapped within the
Living but it is unseemly for the
living to be trapped forever by the
Unborn.
E. Van Clef
Taken from: "Children of Open Adoption" by: Kathleen Silber and Patricia Martinez Dorner
So, so beautiful! Just had to share it!
This is another part of our 'required reading'. I loved this...she describes grief as an 'old friend'. I thought on that for a while...imagine your home, busy, messy, crazy...then, the doorbell rings and someone you haven't seen in 15+ years is on the step. For the sake of the analogy, let's say you're not immediately thrilled to see them, but instead start thinking about all the ways this is NOT the right time for visitors. However, you're a gracious host, so you invite them in, clear off the couch, maybe make up the spare bed, allow them in your world for a short time, but then (hopefully) they leave. The thing about old friends is that they may not be who you would necessarily 'choose' to be with at that moment, but they are familiar...an updated version of the same old stories...you probably know what they're going to say before they say it, but you still listen...you allow time for that conversation. But what happens if that old friend decides to take up permanent residence? Anger, resentment, frustration, bitterness? So it is with grief...it can pop up unexpectedly, but if allowed a little bit of space and patience, it will move on. I think this is a nice reminder for everyone to give ourselves a break! Have as much patience with your own heart as you do with others'.
Today I closed the door of the nursery
I have kept for you in my heart.
I can no longer stand in its doorway.
I have waited for you there so long.
I cannot forever live on the periphery
Of the dream world we share, and you
Cannot enter my world.
I have fought to bring you across the
Threshold of conception and birth.
I have fought time, doctors, Devils, and
God Almighty.
I am weary and there is no victory.
Other children may someday live in my
Heart but never in your place.
I can never hold you. I can never really
Let you go. But I must go on.
The unborn are forever trapped within the
Living but it is unseemly for the
living to be trapped forever by the
Unborn.
E. Van Clef
Taken from: "Children of Open Adoption" by: Kathleen Silber and Patricia Martinez Dorner
So, so beautiful! Just had to share it!
This is another part of our 'required reading'. I loved this...she describes grief as an 'old friend'. I thought on that for a while...imagine your home, busy, messy, crazy...then, the doorbell rings and someone you haven't seen in 15+ years is on the step. For the sake of the analogy, let's say you're not immediately thrilled to see them, but instead start thinking about all the ways this is NOT the right time for visitors. However, you're a gracious host, so you invite them in, clear off the couch, maybe make up the spare bed, allow them in your world for a short time, but then (hopefully) they leave. The thing about old friends is that they may not be who you would necessarily 'choose' to be with at that moment, but they are familiar...an updated version of the same old stories...you probably know what they're going to say before they say it, but you still listen...you allow time for that conversation. But what happens if that old friend decides to take up permanent residence? Anger, resentment, frustration, bitterness? So it is with grief...it can pop up unexpectedly, but if allowed a little bit of space and patience, it will move on. I think this is a nice reminder for everyone to give ourselves a break! Have as much patience with your own heart as you do with others'.
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